Swollen Heart

This could be a tear jerker for you because it is to me every time I read it. So let's get to it!

I have been through many things I thought my heart couldn't handle. I would always be surprised when another problem would come  and I would have to handle or my heart would. Growing up I was teased, picked on and called other names beside the one my mother gave me. Now that I am older I am always wondering why the devil didn't just put me out of my misery. My heart couldn't handle the pain I was enduring at school from the people that bully me. The crazy thing about that is I love going to school.  Times was really hard for me because my family was changing, couldn't afford the things I needed let along the things I wanted. I was in the house full of siblings and sometimes one parent bringing in the money was not good for the family because we had money going out faster than coming in. My heart handle that time of disappointment. I was anxious to leave home, curious to walk away and change my name or go to another family. It felt draining with the things that was going on around me but I kept smiling and moving forward.  I cried almost all the time.  Since I didn't do what most kids did back then, God gave me something, a gift! Reading, writing poetry, sewing and being adventurous was my outlet to get my mind on what was going on around me in life at the time.  Don't get it twisted even though times was hard, there were also great times of my life like playing with friends, climbing trees, getting chicken pox (no school lol) , playing teacher, dress-up, and bonding with family.  My heart went through different phases of my life as I got older, but the past had swollen my heart so bad I stop thinking about others unless they was really close.  I played the role of an tough girl who took no crap from others, because I was picked on for so long, I had anger in my heart.  It was a stone where my heart should have been and I didn't care.  My heart was filled with grudge.

I had gotten to college still felt the same way but I wanted to change. It took me awhile but I finally laid my life down for Jesus Christ. He cleanse my heart of that grudge I had, and un-forgiveness. He put love, sweet, caring, forgiving, and grateful into this soft heart that was hard as a rock.  He touched my heart and gave me new life to start over and be free: free from my swollen heart.

Is your heart swollen? Pray and let God in to soften the pressure.


"You shall not hate your brother in your heart, but 'you shall reason frankly with your neighbor, lest you incur sin because of him. You shall not take vengeance or bear a grudge against the sons of your own people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the LORD. (Leviticus 19:17-18 ESV)

Disclaimer... I don't know all the answers, but I do know someone that does JESUS!! Read about Him, search Him.  He is a cool, merciful, loving, and so much more guy so get to know Him like I do.

Cursed

I feel like I talk about this all the time, you know what I do talk about this all the time.  This is a subject that can't go undiscussed.  Our mouth is so foul we don't even know how foul it is until you are force to stop saying hurtful words or words in general that you should not be saying.  It becomes a problem when we speak and open our mouth and say things without thinking ( I do this a lot).  In the Bible it explains how we should not have pure and un-pure words come out of our mouth.  That is hard when we are always talking...talking about others, talking about yourself (worst enemy), talking down to others and using inappropriate language.  WORDS KILL!!  I saw a music video a while back about words that come out of your mouth that is not worth saying.  The music artist used bullets as a metaphor for the hurtful words that was coming out of the actor and actress mouth.  I don't know about you but getting hit by a bullet got to be painful ( using imagination never been hit by a bullet and pray to God that it doesn't happen).  I know I have a problem with my mouth and I am working on it day by day with The Lord strength.  It is hard because things just slip out of your mouth when you don't mean it.  In the future I will start a thirty day fast or silence and just write out what I want to say.  You should try it too, TRANSFORMATION TIME!!

I said, "I will guard my ways, that I may not sin with my tongue; I will guard my mouth with a muzzle, so long as the wicked are in my presence," Psalm 39:1( English Standard Version)

Disclaimer... I don't know all the answers, but I do know someone that does JESUS! Read about Him, search Him.  He is a cool, merciful, loving, and so much more guy so get to know Him like I do.

Sin Process

Have you ever thought about the process of sinning?  You know actually going back and forth with yourself saying should I do this or not.  Well, I have many times but I am only human that make mistakes so no judging.  I have actually thought about the sin I wanted to do and follow through, because my flesh is so weak knowing that sin will not satisfy me only God can.  Than I fall into the devil trap and commit the sin and feel so ashamed that I start telling God don't look at me I am horrible ( YOU CAN'T TELL GOD NOT TO LOOK AT YOU ).  It reminds me about "Phantom of the Opera" ( I love this movie haven't  seen it on Broadway yet but  The University of Memphis theatre department put on the play and it was awesome).  I say the Phantom of the Opera because of the mask he wore to cover up the scares on the left side of his face.

I feel at times I have a pretty side, the side I want God to see at all times knowing that He will see the scary and pretty side.  HE KNOWS EVERYTHING PEOPLE, THE GOOD AND BAD SIDE OF YOU! I try to cover it up from family and friends but I know I can't because that mask eventually get ripped off every time showing how ugly my flesh is.  The best part is I know God still loves me no matter how many sides I have or the mask I put on.  I can't hide from God and neither can you.  I pray that I continue to let my guard and my mask down so people can see the real me at all times.  I want Him to invade my space and clean it each day, second, minute, and hour.  I know it will never be fully clean because again I am human but I do also pray to be more like Jesus so God can see Him instead of my flesh.

So Do You..... Do you think about your sin process? If not start thinking it will make a difference on  your life spiritual .  Just remember you and I are born sinners but we can take steps to be more like Jesus so join me on this journey of LOVE to know more about Jesus and making better choices in our life.

"You shall love The Lord your God with all you heart and with all your soul and with all your might" ( Deuteromy 6:5)

Disclaimer.... I don't know all the answers, but I do know someone that does JESUS!  Read about Him, search Him.  He is a cool, merciful, loving, and so much more guy so get to know Him like I do.

Updated!!

I think is about time I get back to blogging because I am finally ready.  I ran into some problems last year and the year before that but I think I am ready to pursue my dream and goal in life again.  If you are ready join me on this new journey I have started.  I am a new person and ready to take life on as some people would say lol.  So join me on my blogging site as I write something new and interesting that has happened or I have learned.